Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize