You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
