Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
