I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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