I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
