I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
