Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
