I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
