in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
