The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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