The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
