How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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