Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
