I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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