seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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