turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
