so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
