He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
