I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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