you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My balls are so social today.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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