there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
