It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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