So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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