is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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