ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
