I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
