I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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