You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
