He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
