A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize