i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need moral support for this bender
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize