i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
