I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
