Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
