Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
