my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i think we sleep fucked last night...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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