Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
