Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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