Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
