I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Sober January is a disaster.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
