end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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