I think my vagina is haunted
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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