i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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