Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
