I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
as a side note pls kill me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
