I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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