a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
