I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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