I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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