me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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