i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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