it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Oh god it's open bar.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
