just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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