and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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