I wanna bring you to show and tell
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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