If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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