I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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