The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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