it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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