Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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