Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
