I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
