He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
