I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
