Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
