I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
pray to the hookup gods
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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