when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
