A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
