I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize