Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
