hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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