Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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