He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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