at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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