you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
