let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
